Death of a Bachelor
by merrrcurius
Summary: "This adorable little kunoichi wanted to help Sasuke revive his clan, but you see how that worked out..." Ino was the worst friend sometimes, especially when inebriated. Icha Icha waving from across the group caught her attention. "I could use some help, Sakura-chan." Surely, the copy nin was joking..
1. clint eastwood - trey anastasio

**if you can guess where the story title comes from, you'll be super cool in my book.**

 **the chapter titles/index is a playlist [which is now on Spotify under the story title thanks to ivypie]**

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 **..**

 **…**

 **[[[:]]]**

"Guys, this is the best!" Sakura sighed in pure bliss as she sank into the hot pool of water.

"I second that," Kurenai chirped from the right side of Sakura while Shizune nod lazily from the left. Various moans and murmurs of agreement float around the hot spring.

The group of kunoichi ran two days to experience this new bath house in celebration for Temari and Shikamaru's upcoming departure. They wouldn't be returning until next spring. Sakura supposed it wasn't much of a celebration if they were leaving, as much as it was a parting gift paid for and split between Kurenai, Shizune, Ino, Anko and herself.

Ino cannon balled into the middle of the pool at that moment, splashing everyone with a wave of water.

"Ino-pig!" Sakura growled, maneuvering her way to hold Ino's head under water for a few long seconds. Ino wrestled her way up for air, shoving her friend over. "You got everyone's hair wet!"

"Stop being such a scrooge, Forehead. Can't a woman be excited!"

Kurenai giggled at their bickering. "I'm excited to be here too, Ino. Today has been great. I'm so thankful we had babysitters around the same time."

"Amen to that!" Ino cheered. Sakura couldn't help but smile. Her friends thankfully still held their youthful attitudes, courtesy of the Will of Fire. Being ninja really kept the spirit up.

"What are you so excited for?" Temari questioned from her corner of the pool. "You've been rather enthusiastic since we left, even while running."

"In case you haven't noticed ladies," Ino raised her voice as she spun in a circle to stare down all of her friends. "It's been a _year_ since we all escaped the village."

Shizune giggled, "Escaped, huh? I didn't realize we were imprisoned."

Ino jerked up out of the water, boobs jiggling as her fists cocked at her sides. "I'm serious, guys! We have to make more room for girl-time. We can't keep going like this!"

Sakura snort, but couldn't deny the truth in Ino's words. It was so rare for them to all hang out, even rarer to leave the village on extended stays since they had kids.

Ino point an accusatory finger at the pink haired kunoichi. "You most of all, Forehead!"

Said female slunk under the water to her chin. "What? Why me?"

Temari laughed. "Didn't you destroy a house, Sakura? That should explain itself."

"Hey! That was only because I was.. Um," Sakura trailed off, unable to finish her sentence.

Kurenai noticed her glum expression and questioned softly, "They're right, Sakura. Do you remember what we talked about? Have you thought it over?"

Sakura frowned. Her eyes tingled with salty tears, but she flailed suddenly, shaking off her emotions. "Yes, I've thought it over and I don't wanna talk about it. I don't want to ruin the mood."

Everyone was silent for a moment, thinking about what to do next. Kurenai was satisfied with Sakura's answer, either way. It looked like her mind was made up.

"Oh, hell no!" Ino growled and tackled her friend. "You're going to tell me! What's been on your mind? What have you decided?"

They wrestled for a bit before groaning against the ledge. "Gods, I don't workout enough anymore."

"Got that right," Sakura pant right alongside her.

"I'd like to know," Temari commented quietly, teal eyes watching any and everything else, but them. Such bashful behavior was unusual for the woman.

Anko groaned. "Are you about to get sappy, Temari? If so, please _don't_."

A scowl snapped over Temari's tan face. Waving her hand hard enough to send the female spinning over the top of the water, she snapped, "Try not to be such a bitch, Anko. Obviously, Sakura is going through some shit. We need to hear it, but more importantly, Sakura needs to say it."

"Yeah, make it real, Sakura!"

Looking around at her friends, Sakura gathered the courage to speak. Having their unwavering support helped the woman come clean. With a grim smile, Sakura pumped her fists. "It's over, guys. I asked for a divorce. The papers are being signed this weekend."

Ino and Shizune gasped. "What? Are you serious, Forehead?"

Sakura nod solemnly. "Yep. Completely serious. I've had plenty of time to think about it-"

Anko snort, "Ha, yeah, a whole _year_!"

"And I realized it wasn't working. It was obvious something needed to change after Sarada wasn't even sure who her father was anymore. I mean, he spends more time with Boruto and that's _really_ not fair. Hell, I _demolished_ my house because of it and… anything he could come back to. You guys were right to challenge me on this last year. I'm sorry we ended up fighting, Ino."

Ino shrugged with a loopy smile, tracing the faint scar near her ear courtesy of said fight. Kurenai nodded with understanding. "I'm glad you're making some decisions, for once, Sakura."

"You deserve to be happy." Shizune offered with a gentle smile. Temari wadded closer to comfort her as well, careful not to get her perm wet.

Sakura smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I'm trying to be. All these years I spent chasing someone, waiting for him to come home. Someone who never put his family first… He's always been distant and for a long time, I accepted that because I thought he would open up over the years. I thought if I hung on long enough, hard enough, just like Naruto.. I truly wanted to help him recreate what he lost. I thought he would be comfortable enough after Sarada was born or interested in training her when she came of age. I was really excited to make a big family with him. I was prepared to have a bunch of babies! However many he wanted!"

Kurenai and Shizune wrapped her in comforting one armed hugs while Temari urged her on. The woman seemed to realize how important this confession was. The desire to say it aloud, to have confirmation that she wasn't crazy for feeling this way.

"It took longer than I'd like to admit to realize a life in Konoha for Sasuke probably won't ever be possible. There's just too many bad memories with the people. Even _Naruto_ figured it out before I did. Everything Sasuke went through was like a terrible scary movie, but worse. His history is more fucked up than any of us can comprehend and… All I know is that I don't blame him for who he is or what he's done, only that I need to know what it feels like to have someone love me back. For once. And to be honest, guys," Sakura inhaled deeply. "For a guy who wanted to revive his clan, we only had sex _once_."

Silence reigned for several seconds, long enough that chirping crickets became awkward.

Ino's jaw had dropped long ago, but she finally found her voice. "You're shitting me, Sakura."

Sakura watched the ripples in the water, embarrassed to look at the women surrounding her. She felt like a child again, with no experience. In a sense, she supposed she was. "I know it's crazy.. I don't see why he wouldn't want to, but he really didn't seem interested after the first time and with him being gone all the time, the fact that he steadily communicates with Naruto, even if he is the Hokage…"

Sakura smashed the water with a fist. "Damn it, either the man is asexual, traumatized, or he's gay. I don't know."

Shizune blew bubbles under the water, drawing everyone's attention. She glanced up to see everyone else's reactions. They all looked absolutely horrified.

Sakura splashed them with water. "Gah! Stop staring at me like that! I know I need to get laid."

"Uh, yeah you do!" Ino shrieked. "No wonder you've been such a bitch! Do you even own a vibrator?"

Shizune count her fingers slowly and then gasped. "That means it's been nine years since - Oh god, Sakura, you've been celibate for almost a decade!"

"Please," Sakura whimpered, drooping against the edge of the pool. "Don't remind me."

"You're basically a nun." Temari smirked.

Sakura scowled up at the older jonin. "I'll punch you, Temari." The woman laughed heartily, head thrown back.

Kurenai sighed wistfully. "I feel your pain, Sakura. It's been even longer for me. I haven't had a strong desire for it, though. No one has called out to me like that man did. My heart will always belong to Asuma."

Ino frowned at Kurenai. "You're so lucky, Kurenai! I used to have the biggest crush on Asuma-sensei!"

"Eh," Sakura made a face, "Pig, you've had a crush on _everyone_."

"By the way," Anko appeared suddenly, floating above the water with chakra control. "I'll have you know I'm as woman as ever, Ino. Girl-time is for sissies."

All five women turned to stare up at a very naked Anko, busty chest and glistening nether lips on display. They were stunned for several moments.

Suddenly, Shizune and Sakura screamed as jealous rage ignite within them. Flying bottles of soap could be seen and heard from the hallway.

"Cover those jugs up, Anko!"

"Stop being such a show off!"

"Hey! It's not my fault you guys belong on the itty bitty committee!"


	2. the f bomb - earthgang

It was a fine day in Konoha.

The sun was setting in it's last hours of daylight, the cool autumn weather was perfect for a certain masked individual, and sushi was on the house tonight. It couldn't get any better than this.

Three men split a bottle of sake while two played a game of shogi, one of them eagerly awaiting his wife's arrival. Several of Konoha's finest women would be returning from a weeks vacation in the Tanpopo Mountains at some point in the day.

"You know," Naruto hedged, poking a shogi piece until it fell off the board. "I really think it's time Kakashi had kids. What do you think, Shika?"

The Nara almost fell out of his chair he slouched so hard. "This again, Naruto? What's your deal?"

An equally lazy ninja sat across from the Hokage's assistant, debating whether or not to stab the jinchuuriki. Luckily, the older man had some self-control.

Instead of giving Naruto the rise he knew he wanted, decidedly not reacting at all, the white haired shinobi casually replaced his missing rook. For reasons unknown to Kakashi, the unruly blonde had been quite interested in his one man clan as of late. This had to have been the fifth time the subject had been broached within the last two weeks. It was beginning to grate on his usually laid back nerves.

Ignoring the pair, Kakashi gripped his chin in thought and stared a hole through Shikamaru's bishop. The shadow user favored the piece. He was sure the genius was plotting up something particularly savage with it as the main encore.

 _If only it would catch fire…_

From the corner of his eye, Kakashi saw Shikamaru twitch as if he were about to catch something. The Nara was attempting to pick up a sake glass using his shadow sewing technique.

"Oi! Are you hard of hearing, _old man_?"

"Eh, Naruto?" He must have missed the last half of the conversation. Whoops.

"I _said_ you need to have _kids_! You know, babies and stuff. Like me and Hinata. We may be expecting again!" Naruto giggled as he daydreamed about who knows what.

 _Ah, I see now_ , the copy nin smirked and promptly set his horse up in a position to jump in three moves time when Shikamaru would advance with his bishop. The shadow user looked thoroughly put out for a split second before schooling his expression. The sake must be getting to him otherwise the shinobi wouldn't slip like that.

With nothing left to distract him, Kakashi's mind drift to Naruto's complaints. What if he simply didn't want kids? Kakashi was a bachelor and he liked the way things were.

Sometimes.

Teaching everyone else's kids was enough… That task was cumbersome as it was. Although, the last few nights had been quite the eye opener. To what, he wasn't sure.

Tucking his hands behind his head, the copy ninja finally fixed his former student with a mirthful stare. "Like you and Hinata, huh?"

"Yeah! You know, Shika, tell em'!"

Put on the spot, Shikamaru glanced between the two Kage's before coming to a decision. "Uh, about you and Hinata's escapades…?"

Kakashi smiled cheekily behind his mask, pleased with Shikamaru's distraction tactics. The man knew how to pick his battles, that's for sure.

"No, no, no! Tell the old fart he should spawn, damn it!" Naruto seemed to have picked up Hinata's tomato-face trait over the years. The man looked as if he would burst any minute now.

"I'm sure Kakashi-san is fully aware of his _innate_ ability to procreate, Naruto."

If Naruto face-palmed himself a bit harder, Kakashi was positive the jinchuuriki could have knocked himself out. Personally, he wouldn't have minded. Neither would Shikamaru, by the looks of it.

"My question is why he _won't_. The guy is legendary. He has a lot to offer. Don't you think the Hidden Leaf needs another copy ninja?"

The mental image of Naruto literally buttering him up on a piece of bread flashed in his mind. What was his endgame?

Kakashi leaned back, mildly amused with the conversation they were having as if he wasn't in the room, sitting right next to them. "I'm right here, you know.."

Naruto waved him away without looking.

Shikamaru squint his eyes at the Hokage, confused. "I guess, although, that's not really something he can pass on.." The man smirked with sudden understanding. "However, he's currently making it possible by being Sarada's mentor."

"You know! You're completely right, Shika! Not that it actually counts in genetics, but he's basically her step-dad at this point! It's a great start. Showing that baka Sasuke how it's done by a long shot."

Kakashi choked on a gulp of sake, spilling some down his chin. "Not true," he offered weakly as he dabbed the wet spots on his mask with the back of his sleeve. "I'm only trying to help."

Naruto jerked an accusatory finger at him, eyes burning. "Yeah, sure. Like how you _helped_ her develop a scary sharingan genjutsu! Boruto is still having nightmares about ramen. He won't eat ramen anymore, Kakashi. _Ramen_ of all the tools she could have used! Do you have any idea how this affects my meals?! Cause I think you do!"

The white haired shinobi laughed heartily. "I would never teach a little girl how to defend herself, Naruto. That'd just be _wrong_. And who knows why she tortured him with Ramen.. Maybe she hates it..."

Shikamaru snickered in the background, holding a hand under his floating cup just in case it fell.

"Whatever! Just do us all a favor and have some damn kids already." Naruto crossed his arms dejectedly. Kakashi was willing to let the conversation die then and there, returning to the game. After several seconds, a glint appeared in the man's blue eyes. "It's weird, you know, I never pegged you for someone who would let their clan die out."

Kakashi finished his cup of sake with a low hum. _Ouch_. _He's playing dirty_.

"Think of it as your duty to the village, Kakashi."

Suddenly, that innocent request didn't sound like such an _innocent_ _request_. Something was going on that Naruto seemed to be edging around, tittering on the verge of, unsure of how to handle. It'd been happening for weeks.

"Mah, is that an order, Hokage-sama?" The Rokudaime joked, voice light, but gray eyes hard as steel.

Naruto leaned forward over the backside of his wooden chair, peering at him with a pinched face the youngster usually reserved for disgruntled suspicion. "Should I _make_ it one? A _mission_.. to make babies..? That'd be kinda silly, don't you think?"

Shikamaru smirked. "That'd be a first. You'd break another record, Kakashi."

Said ninja blinked slowly once, twice and then a third time in their stare-off before Naruto looked away, laughing nervously. "Yep, Shikamaru! It could have a huge reward too. Like.. free ramen for a year or something."

"That only sounds appetizing to you, Naruto."

Kakashi laughed through his nose sharply, nearly a scoff as he folded his arms. "I agree. You'd have to do better than that."

Naruto glanced back and forth between the shogi players, looking a tad bit uncomfortable. "I can - I can… uhh…"

And there it was.

Understanding slowly sunk into the ninja, hitting the bottom of his belly with a loud imaginary 'dong' sound.

 _Well_ _then_.

"Actually..." Kakashi grinned evilly behind his mask. He wasn't one to go down without a fight.


	3. bickenhead - cardi b

On the night of their return, Kohada's Sushi Joint found itself overrun by Konohagakure's finest shinobi. Reservations were not scheduled for the event with its last minute planning, yet the boisterous energy that followed in their wake seemed to clear the place out just fine. Free sake and sushi tend to scare folk when ninja were involved.

"Ino, I need my arm. Shizune is going to-"

Said blonde shushed the voice daring to interrupt her observations.

"If you're going to use my arm as a prop, at least help me drink with your free hand, pig!"

"It's not free." And it wasn't, she was holding a drink. The blonde vaguely registered Sakura groaning for assistance from her _opponent_. Ino snort thinking, _what kind_ _of competition is_ that _?_

Studies continued.

Not long after, Sakura felt the left side of her body sagging with the weight of a particularly handsy kunoichi and then, "I've got it!"

Every eye at the table turned to stare at the blonde's outburst. Sakura attempt to grill her around a mouthful of sushi. "Got what, Ino-pig?"

A thoroughly buzzed Yamanaka slung an arm around the kunoichi's shoulders and gestured widely with the other to an innocent group of men taking their seats at the neon lit bar across the way. "Look at the Scar Squad - showing up late like a bunch of long lost losers! You've still got plenty of options, Forehead!"

Sakura's jaw could have hit the floor if it weren't hinged to her skull. Leave it to Ino to announce in the _rudest_ way possible - _to the entire bar_ \- that she was now single.

Ibiki Morino scowled at them from his seat between Kakashi and Anko, instantly realizing who the blonde was referring to. Raidou wasn't the slightest bit interested in anything but ordering food. That left Kakashi who relished in sarcastic pokes. The ninja turned on his bar stool and point at his uncovered scar. "But I've only got one. It hardly counts compared to _that_."

"To _what_ , Hatake?" Ibiki barked, snatching at the thumb gesturing back at him.

Kakashi narrowly avoided the possible breaking of his hand with a nervous chuckle. Seeing the copy ninja hide behind a book sent a very buzzed table of women into a fit of giggles. Sakura couldn't help thinking _how ironic, how typical of him to read porn in public and use it as a shield against social unrest._

Genma twist away from his table next to them and propped against the edge. "Wait, wait, wait! Back up. Did you say _options_?"

Sakura's laughter died a horrible death. _Of course,_ Genma would catch the one part that didn't need a repeat. This was going to be a nightmare if the harrowing few steps that everyone seemed to take towards their table said _anything_. Perhaps Sakura was just imagining the walls closing in on her. Who knows? She could probably blame it on the sake if anyone questioned her mental state.

Ino grinned at Genma knowing her job was done. The man would take it from there.

"Why, whatever do you mean, Ino-chan? Is our dear cherry blossom pollinating once again?"

Ino sweat dropped. She'd gotten ahead of herself, but at least she could appreciate the man's creative flower innuendo's. With a strained smile, Ino hooked her arm and mumbled, "Like a weed!"

Genma twist his torso to stare pointedly at the introverted shinobi seated at the bar. Only one paid them any attention. "Well, how 'bout them apples!"

Temari reseat herself across from Ino and Sakura with a new roll of sushi, interest piqued which grabbed Shikamaru's by default. His wife rarely entertained the troublesome, it was one of the reasons he married her. For the blonde beauty to actively engage in meddlesome conversation meant something important must be taking place. Something good. Something strategic. He followed suit, albeit, much slower.

Tenten made a strangled noise from the third table in the bar as she dodged a hug from Lee. The bar was selected specifically for it's small design, but it was turning into a torture device for Sakura. "Aren't you married, Sakura?"

The pink kunoichi felt as if the entire restaurant had seized in shock. After a beat, the weapons master found several heated glares directed her way. Tenten shrunk against her seat in the face of intense exasperation with a defensive, "W-What?!"

No one answered. Even Lee facepalmed beside his friend, unable to understand her blatant dismissal of tact.

A weird silence stretched through the air as everyone quietly considered Tenten's words. A rare moment came over Sakura who found herself too mortified to speak. Mouth gaping like a fish, she struggled to find the words to reply. Honestly, it wasn't Tenten's fault she didn't know. The women at her table had only just heard the news over the weekend; people Sakura considered to be sisters; people she worked with and visit during her downtime frequently. That had been a hard confession by itself. Now, this? To everyone, all at once?

 _Honestly_ , it wasn't her fault.

At least, that's what Sakura kept reminding herself. The itch to pummel something was rather difficult to fight under the influence. She should have been filtering the alcohol. It seemed this was the reason drinking with ninja felt mildly more threatening than usual. Shinobi were seasoned warriors. Rough-housing to them was like a mad brawl to civilians.

Ino looked ready to throttle Tenten as the shock wore off and the duty of a best friend kicked in gear. "Shut. Up. Tenten! How dare you call what they had a _marriage._ It didn't _exist in the first place_! Besides, they're divorced now. So we can all _move along_!"

Sakura cringed away from the shrieking blonde. _Kami,_ did she have to scream right in her ear? The medic suddenly felt bad for Inojin. If the little guy wasn't deaf by the time he moved out on his own, Sakura would be surprised. Not to mention _,_ _HOW_ _DARE_ _SHE-_

Indignation was thwarted by an awkward, belting laugh belonging to Shizune who, realizing her outburst, promptly began slurping her margarita to hide it. The woman never did well in tense situations. Temari laughed with her, but far more heartily, most likely enjoying the tension if Sakura knew her at all. However strange her friends were, their laughter began to magically wash away the tension strangling the room.

"I shall defend your honor, Sakura!" Rock Lee yelled from across the room, rapidly making his way to their table. Gai could be heard cheering for him in the background. "We shall become step-parents to each other's children and have playdates! It will be fantastic!"

"That'll be me, idiot!" Kiba smirked, shoving between Rock Lee and Genma. There was a whistle from somewhere in the room that had a burning blush running down Sakura's neck.

 _This can't be happening!_

Thankfully, Kiba interrupted Lee's proposal which dragged the two into an argument she didn't bother entertaining. In fact, she attempted to drown out the room with several mouthfuls of sushi and sake, pointed ignoring the dark grey eyes watching her curiously. There was no way she could handle a lecture from the Rokudaime about the patience due in _marriage_. On a deeper level, Sakura couldn't imagine the shinobi actually talking to her about Sasuke at all; actually, any kind of response from him was inaccurate. If she was honest, Kakashi wasn't the type to give his personal opinions out so freely. One look would do the trick. It would tell her everything she needed to know of his opinion. If it happened to be disappointment, that simply wasn't acceptable at the moment.

Genma grinned wickedly as he scoot into the booth next to Shizune. "What a sudden turn of events! Well… actually, it's not that sudden. I'm sure everyone saw this coming a mile away."

Shizune followed suit and nudged Sakura with a very pointed stare. "Ah, yes! A _decade_ is a long time to commit to someone who only ever speaks to Naruto."

"I'm surprised it took this long. You're an extremely devoted wife, _Haruno_!"

Adding a sweet smile with a deadly glare, Sakura snatched Shizune's leftover shot glass and poured herself a cup of sake with one word, "Were."

Being addressed by her maiden name felt like a breath of fresh air. It felt more real than the past five years of her miserable life spent in denial that she was actually someone's _wife_.

Liquid courage only got her so far, however, as the surrounding conversations closed in on her. The kunoichi began to feel as if she were having an out-of-body experience with her divorce bouncing around the group like a hacky sack. The woman supposed it couldn't be helped. People were bound to talk and the news had to reach them _somehow_. What was done was done. Ino had ripped the truth off like a band-aid. Quick and painless. Not an inch of energy had to be wasted on Sakura's end. It left any judgement passed on her to be told within the privacy of their own conversations. Besides, there wasn't an argument she hadn't already had with herself a thousand times over that could be made in Sasuke's defense. There wasn't an emotion she hadn't felt, a thought she hadn't processed again and again the last few years that could deter her any longer. Her decision was final, her opinion the only one that mattered. Hence the reason no one else knew of her affairs, not even the closest people to her. It's not like they had to deal with that kind of absence. Kurenai was the only one who understood on some level. The only difference was that Asuma didn't have a choice.

Sasuke _did._

Shaking her head, Sakura poured all three of them shots and they toast with giggles before tossing them back. Celebration was the only thing she would think twice about tonight. Sakura wouldn't be sad. She refused.

"Sa-ku-ra! We need more sake and sushi, what do you think?" She nodded in response and slipped out of the booth to follow her blonde friends. They wait near the bar once their orders were placed.

Sakura wished they hadn't.

[[[[]]]]

 **ka-chowww,**

 **knick-knack patty-whack, giva-doga-bone**

 **whaddaya bitches think? what's gonna happen? o.0**

 **critic, cricket, crack at it? i'm ready for whatever comes my way, my dudes!**


	4. luv (sic) - nujabes

Yamato, Kotetsu and Izumo were the last to arrive meaning they were the last to hear the news. If the medic had known Ino was going to blab all of her secrets tonight, she would have kept her damn mouth shut. The direction it was taking all of their conversations was embarrassing.

"This adorable little kunoichi tried to help Sasuke revive his clan, but you see how that worked out.. Time to move on, am I right?" Ino nudged her with a grin.

Sakura glowered back at her. _Surely, it wouldn't hurt to strangle her again?_

"It's about damn time! I was wondering when you'd get tired of that jackass." Kotetsu was as blunt and nonchalant as ever standing next to Kakashi at the bar. Izumo frowned at him and jabbed the man with an elbow. The man grinned and threw a casual arm around his friend's shoulder, jerking him into a playful hug before pushing him away in the same move.

One look at the pair had Ino rolling her eyes. Sakura knew what she was thinking without her needing to say a word. The blonde had her suspicions that the guys were together, behind closed doors even though there was no evidence to back up her theory. It's a "feeling", she'd said.

A hip bounced against her own and Sakura turned to see Temari hiding a devious smirk behind a glass of wine. "Who's next, Sakura?"

Teal eyes held her own before sliding across the group, eyebrows waggling suggestively. Sakura followed her line of sight and stiffened abruptly. _That's it!_ Her friends were the worst. Especially when mixed with alcohol. With a sharp inhale, Sakura prepared to give them the bitching of a lifetime when a familiar gloved hand casually waving Icha Icha back and forth caught her attention.

Emerald clashed with charcoal and the world slowed considerably until that dark stare crinkled cheekily. "I could use some help, Sakura-chan."

There was a moment of stunned silence before a mixture of giggles and whistles erupt in their group near the bar. Sakura was speechless. He'd said it so flippantly that it was obviously a joke. So why was she so.. so...

Ino shook her arm roughly, giggling like a mad woman. Someone really needed to talk to the woman about her rowdy behavior. "Would you look at that, Forehead? He's been right under your nose the whole time!"

Without warning, Kiba yelled from the table behind them, "You're too old, Kakashi! Sakura needs someone her _age_."

A saccharine smile crept over Sakura's face as green eyes cut back at him. "You definitely wouldn't make the cut if _that_ were the case, Kiba."

From her twisted position, Sakura witnessed Genma nearly spew a mouthful of beer in Shizune's face. It was hard to hold in her laughter at all of the commotion going on around her. Ino didn't bother containing herself either. Both her and Temari were grasping at each other, laughing like drunk hyenas.

Kiba shot out of his chair and started towards them. "Hey! Thirties are better than an old geezer clearly out of his prime. What the hell, Sakura?"

Reasons unknown, Sakura found herself rather defensive. This _was_ her former sensei he was bashing. The Rokudaime. An old friend. Surely, she had plenty of reasons to choose from? Sakura couldn't help but think that Kiba's egotistical streak was probably the main reason his last relationship sunk like the Titanic. It was obvious the guy was jealous. Kakashi was rated top five most handsome shinobi in Konoha's Newspaper and that was _with_ a _mask_ on. Just thinking of what that knowledge could do to the poor sack's rated under a mask… She couldn't imagine how traumatizing that must be.

" _Lies_!" Ino squealed through her laughter. Anko agreed with a toast of sake beside the white haired shinobi. Gai ran up to lay his hands complacently on Kiba's shoulders, but the younger ninja shook him off with a growl.

"Are you really considering it, Sakura?" Kiba sniffed, standing obtuse from her.

Sakura rolled her eyes at his behavior.

Anko snort into a glass of sake and muttered, "Jesus, are jokes a sin around here?"

Kakashi shrugged with veiled amusement and lift his book with a pointed stare. "You know what they say about old age, Kiba." He had too much fun messing with the uptight youngster.

The Inuzuka crossed his arms defiantly. "No, I don't. Why don't you educate me, _sensei_? What do they-" he goaded, taking a step in the ninja's direction.

Kotetsu and Yamato clapped a hand on each shoulder, wrangling the man back before anything could escalate. "Alright, knock it off, Kiba. It was a joke."

"Sakura Roll, Dragon Roll and two Sake, ready to go!"

As they stepped between Yamato and Ibiki with a bad case of laughter, Ino felt it necessary to lean in and quietly inform her of what hadn't been said. " _They_ _say_ older men have more experience and he has _at_ _least_ a decade on us." And then, as if she thought they were in the clear, Ino pulled back and giggled loudly, "And Kakashi reads erotica! Think of all the possibilities!"

If Hinata were here, Sakura was sure they could have held a tomato-faced contest and come out the winner. Of course, Ino wouldn't know that Kakashi seemed more dog than man, at times; that he could most definitely hear them from his seat two down if he so chose. It didn't matter how noisy the music or chatter from the conversations around them were.

"Ino, shut-"

"Too much if you ask me," Temari interrupt with a conspiratorial nudge and her signature Nara smirk as they trekked back to their seats. "The man needs the real thing."

Sakura eyed Temari suspiciously. The two blonde kunoichi had made hints like that all night. _What are they up to?_

Seated out of hearing distance once again, Sakura pried apart her chopsticks and nearly drooled over the seared salmon sushi covered in flower petals and eel sauce. "I doubt _reading_ smut would help in that department, Ino. I agree with Temari, _practice_ makes perfect."

Shizune slapped a few ryo on the table with a knowing smile and began shuffling a random deck of cards. "Oh, it helps, Sakura. Wanna bet on it?"

Temari chuckled maniacally and upped her ten ryo. Shikamaru flicked a coin onto the table, as well, his telltale smirk hanging off his lips. Sakura turned her suspicious stare onto him, feeling as if the Nara knew something she didn't. _Just what are these conniving bitches up to?_

Suddenly revived from his shock, Genma choked on air as he stood, grasping at his chest. "Shizune! Are you insinuating that-that you would _know_ -" An ice cube hit him in the face before he could finish.

Gai and Yamato joined the table as the bickering senbon wielders began flicking cards at each other. It didn't take long for them to start arguing on who would pick them up. The whole ordeal had Sakura giggling and struggling not to choke on her sushi as she tried to imagine Kakashi and Shizune going at it in a closet within the Hokage's Tower.

It wasn't possible or even funny to theorize.

Shizune and Genma were long-term fuck buddies, both in complete denial of their feelings for each other, but equally inseparable. It was cute and terribly painful to watch knowing she would do anything to have the person she loved show affection the way those two did. Aware of their weird relationship for as many years as she'd been aware of Sasuke's dismissal of their marriage and also managing the mental state of the shinobi in her village as the Head Medic gave Sakura insight to the differences between their generations.

Most of the shinobi who survived the Third Shinobi War were credibly "single" without families. Several years ago, Sakura ran a psychological study on them to address the birth rate gap and came to the conclusion that it stemmed from childhood trauma. It proved the shinobi ranking system existed for a reason unless the situation absolutely called for it, even when it shouldn't. It went without saying that anyone who lived long enough to have a few nasty battles under their belt were mentally and emotionally scarred. Especially, Anbu members who were stripped of their hearts and minds during the time they served. Relationships and strong commitments were tough to maintain. Friendships, camaraderie… those were safe places to be. They held a certain level of detachment that one was expected to lose, _eventually_. Losing a husband or wife or son or daughter was much harder, even if the concept was the same.

Sakura's generation, however, cared enough for all of them combined and had quickly filled the holes. An oddity that couldn't be explained. The scientific brain within her simply labeled it another step in the evolution of their village as one consciousness. The Rokudaime had actually been the one to alert her to the issue and she'd advised him on the matter during his term. The man, being one of the worst cases, passed laws forbidding it from ever happening again. Sakura had to ponder, sometimes, if he hadn't brought the problem up on purpose. The village respect Kakashi Hatake that much more for making the necessary changes in order to grow as a village.

Follow up investigations were still being called into play under Naruto's supervision.

Somehow during her reverie of one of her closest friends, the conversation had steered back to that very man. _Why is he such a focus tonight?_

"I know how obsessed everyone is with Kakashi's sex life, but can we please talk about something else?" Shikamaru sighed as he slouched back into the booth.

"It's a problem that has to be addressed, _Shika_ ," His wife purred next to him with a rather contradictory glare. "The poor lad might die a loner if someone doesn't do something."

Sakura caught Temari's words and frowned at the truth in them. How many others would face the same end because of their childhood trauma? Speaking of loners, the female had never given it much thought until that moment as his words float through her mind. Was he joking? Was he seriously…? The fact that Kakashi Hatake was the last known descendant of his clan hit her like a sack of bricks. He made no moves to correct it, either, unless he actually considered his statement an offer.

Sakura dismissed the thought with a shake of her head. No, she wasn't even going to entertain the idea. Everyone else understood it to be a joke. Kiba was going to be the only fool here tonight.

The idea of him being alone did make her sad, though. And if he thought he could get away with it, the man had another thing coming. Clans having heirs were never a spoken rule that had to followed. It happened naturally. Although, he wasn't from a special bloodline, Sakura mused that he had something much more valuable to give than a simple ability. He still count as a Clan. However small.

Not many shinobi rose to legendary heights without something unique and while he had the sharingan for a time, he had already been a prodigy before that. The Hatake Clan of two stood out with sharp intuition, creative intellect that rivaled the Nara clan, and their innate ability to lead. People naturally followed him because he was inspiring. The proof was in the pudding. He had the youngest graduating stats to date while being a leader in almost every team he'd ever occupied. The man had been a squad leader during his time in Anbu despite his young age, a sensei to legendary ninja and the Third Division Commander in the Fourth Shinobi War. He was the Rokudaime and a personal adviser to Konoha's Most Unpredictable Orange Hokage.

The pink haired kunoichi let out a small sigh as she stared at her old friend and even older teacher with admiration. She was working hard to rival those kind of stats. Just looking at him was awe-inspiring. Who else could read porn in public like that with no fuck's given? Truly, Kakashi was an alpha male in every sense of the word. From that smallest detail to making his own time and the humble confidence he placed in everyone around him to all the previous titles mentioned. It was an interesting contrast to the introverted complexities of his personality.

Sakura frowned as she chewed on her last piece of sushi. Why exactly was she thinking so hard about him? One glance at the bottle of sake in front of her plate had her pushing it away firmly. She'd definitely had enough if her straying thoughts had anything to say about it. _Oh_ _yeah_ … _Damn Ino and Temari. They've created a problem I can't_ _fix_.

Whether he would actually make a good father or not was up for debate. Aside from teaching Team 7, rebuilding the village and running it for ten years was a little different than raising a child. It required a certain level of intimacy. However, despite the barriers, he'd taken on a crucial role in Sarada's life whether he'd wanted to or not and _aced_ it. When Sarada had first discovered his history with the sharingan, she'd done everything in her power to make him her mentor. It warmed her heart to know that the man who had laid the foundation for her to be the badass kunoichi she'd become was doing the same for her daughter, however unwillingly.

In her personal opinion, Konohamaru favored Boruto too much because of Naruto, as did Sasuke and as much as it hurt to watch, Sakura supposed it was better this way. She could only teach her so much and Sasuke was too cold and unresponsive for Sarada. He couldn't give her the love she needed to grow. Kakashi wasn't much better, but his friendly personality and general encouragement made up for it. All and all, even with abstract lessons and the sparse visitations between traveling, they were more than Sasuke had ever given.

The legendary shinobi was paving the way for Sarada. Sakura was proud and thankful _someone_ was doing it. As her former sensei, it seemed he was still fulfilling his duty by being there for her when she needed it most.

 _Then, why is he so...alone?_

Sakura studied his style, the nonchalant attitude; searching for anything that would explain his problem while she busied her hands with reshuffling the deck of cards. Her studious gaze found the Rokudaime perched on the same stool, casually reclined against the bar with his knees spread and arms crossed, reading a dirty book like the pervert he was.

According to her observations, there was nothing keeping the guy from finding someone except for the "erotica" as Ino liked to call it and even that was hardly an actual turnoff in Sakura's opinion, however much she railed on the guy for doing so. Really, she had no room to judge. She may or may not have helped herself to his collection whenever he was out of town. If he noticed a few missing, the man never let on. Maybe he was sparing her the embarrassment of being a perverted cheapskate, but Kakashi of all people would understand.

If Sakura put her inebriated brain to use with all of the knowledge she'd gathered on the man over the years, it became incredibly obvious why the reclusive shinobi had yet to settle down.

It leaked from every _covered_ inch of his lanky figure.

Dinner was a casual affair allowing everyone to forego their flak vests and armor, including Kakashi, who donned his usual sweater, cargo pants and boots. Everything was black or navy and loose, including the thick scarf with so many loops around his neck it could hide the bottom half of his face - even without his mask. Always so simple and tonight was no different. His modest style was probably the only simple thing about him and also the biggest indicator of his personality. People took for granted the exterior more often than not.

Besides that, the man answered anything that wasn't life threatening in the most outrageously vague way possible, he rarely kept anything of sentimental value if his bare-ass apartment had anything to say about it, and he covered as much skin as he could, especially the most expressive part, simply to keep his identity and emotions under wraps. Even to the untrained eye, the answer should have been obvious, but it still continued to baffle her peers after all these years.

It really just happened to be that Kakashi was a man who valued privacy to the _extreme_. She'd come to understand that over the many years of their friendship. There were few that managed to slip through the cracks of the strategic wall he'd built around himself and his circle of advisers during his time as Hokage proved that. It'd consisted of Yamato, Shikamaru, and herself. Gai had been unofficial considering the green clad ninja was bound to a wheelchair for most of his friend's career as Hokage.

If Sakura didn't know any better, she'd go as far to say that Kakashi Hatake was incredibly _shy_ , if only in the weirdness way possible.

A boozy grin spread across her face as she finally conclude her drunken reasoning's as to why. She applaud her concise analysis despite the alcohol humming through her system. For all the brain cells she was currently destroying, this was a feat in itself if not a simple recounting of all the reasons she already knew him to be single while she was sober.

Honestly, she was overthinking things for absolutely no reason at all. She'd already had this conversation with him during their project several years ago. His answer had simply been, "responsibilities", but it was a lie and they both knew it then.

When she finally drug her eyes up his body to identify whether she would need to schedule an impromptu visit to his closet, the medic froze.

Dark orbs observed her from over the top of the novel intently. His fingers waved idly from behind the cover of his book when he realized he'd caught her eyes.

Everything around her fade into a swirling buzz of sound as her vision tunneled towards the neon purple highlighting her companion's lean frame, mostly alone near the end of the bar. The collar and long sleeves of her qipao dress began to feel hot and she remind herself to filter the alcohol in her system a bit.

Why was he such a recluse tonight, tucked in his corner? He was being much more quiet than usual. Something must be wrong. Try as she might to guess, and Sakura felt she had come to know the scarecrow better than most [at least on par with Gai or Yamato], what was visible of his face was unreadable; no sign of the usual eye crinkle. Kakashi Hatake was indecipherable in that moment and it bugged her. What was he feeling, what was he thinking, staring at her like that? The friend and doctor within her grew concerned.

The world suddenly popped into place with Ino berating her. Whatever they were communicating with eyes only, the moment was gone. "Sakura, what in the hell are you staring at? The game is on the table! Laid down or pick up, already!"

Said female snapped to with a blush and lay down a card without even looking at the river. Thinking about the shinobi while betting was detrimental to her wallet. Even so, no matter what she did, her drunken thoughts kept floating to the white hair flickering in and out of her peripherals.

Looking up from her incredibly shitty hand, Sakura caught Kakashi stiff-arming a rowdy Kotetsu attempting to read along with him. She burst out laughing at the irony of his actions and the rabbit hole her thoughts had taken her earlier.

It seemed even when Kakashi made no sense, he still fit seamlessly between everything and nothing.

 **[[[:]]]**

 **sooo, Sakura's a philosophical kunoichi when she drinks! doesn't surprise me considering how smart she is...**

 **this came out super long winded. i tried cutting some of it, but try as i might, much of it had to stay. her brain needed to process kakashi as a whole without a marriage hovering over her head.**

 **i like it, however deep this is getting. what about you?**


	5. the ways (with swae) - khalid & swae lee

An hour of enduring Gai's youthful ramblings and Anko's flirtatious banter brought a tingling warmth to his right side. Looking wasn't necessary to know the one and only pink-haired kunoichi in Konoha had claimed Ibiki's seat. The cherry blossom soap she bathed with tipped him off before she'd even reached the bar. Sakura Haruno was corny like that.

"Ino and Temari are driving me insane." Sakura grumbled as she flagged Kohada down and followed with a half-hearted wave in Raidou's direction. "Genma is hovering just to fuck with Shizune and it's all your fault."

"That's simply not possible, Sakura-chan. I've hardly moved a muscle."

"You didn't have to! Shizune bet as if you - um," Kakashi watched as she filtered her thoughts too little too late and side-eyed him. "Anyways..."

Kakashi hummed with feigned interest and mirrored her. He couldn't care less what they had to say about him, but this was Sakura. "What was that about a bet?"

Flailing hands flapped in his peripherals as his companion stuttered, "N-nothing! No bet, ah, just that… er, you and Shizune-"

"Oh, I see," Mischievous eyes cut down at his friend, pleased with his decision to keep up this conversation. "Genma wants revenge, and he's using you to exact it?"

"Wait," Sakura breathed. "So, he... You two -"

From his peripherals, the ninja could see she was gaping up at him. He continued staring at the tiny black print in his book despite hardly reading them with her distracting presence. She was more entertaining, at the moment. Besides, if they could mess with the testy Haruno and live, so could he.

Life was more fun that way.

It wasn't as if they all didn't know Genma was in love with Shizune.

"Is he bothering you, Sakura-chan? I can help if that's the case."

"No, no.. it's alright. I could knock him out." Until green eyes caught a _look_ , sharpening up to his antics. "Besides, you need more help than _I_ do."

"Touche… so, why haven't you?"

A hand slapped the bar, wood threatening to splinter beneath an unrestrained force of chakra. A warning pulse of energy licked across his skin, but her strength had never phased him. Sakura wouldn't _actually_ kill him. He hoped. All these years left alive would just be a waste if she did, at this point.

"What are you implying, Kakashi? I would never! Everyone knows they fuck like rabbits..." The innocence she still carried into her thirties had her muttering that last sentence.

Naruto and Temari's words float through his mind at the metaphor. The whole situation felt like a bad joke he wasn't privy to. That was downright unacceptable. Kakashi trolled his peers.

Not the other way around.

He needed to figure this conundrum out quickly and there weren't many viable solutions. If he were to consider his joke… And truly, it had been a _joke_ , hadn't it?

Would Sakura even take him seriously? She might not take Genma's flirting to heart, not in a million years, but maybe… Eh, it wasn't as if she had reacted _terribly_ to his offer. Dumbfounded, mostly. He'd caught the woman watching him since then. Rather intently. Could she be weighing her options?

The grip on his book tightened, his tension going unnoticed by his unawares companions talking on either side of him.

No.

He couldn't play with fire. Not with Sakura. Not with one of his closest friends. He'd never forgive himself for ruining years of friendship built between them to appease a pesky hokage. It wasn't worth it.

Yet, another part of him, an ingrained loyalty Kakashi harbored for his village, urged him on - unconcerned with trivial feelings. An entire lifetime following the way of a shinobi, the only way he knew how to live, had his instincts reacting without thought. _It's practical to start with friends_ , he tried convincing himself. There was no way he could knock up a stranger and take the kid. Out of the question. Besides, what could it hurt to test a theory? It could always be played off as a joke. Sakura would punch him first and laugh later. No harm, no foul.

After a moment's pause, Kakashi lowered the book and turned towards her. With an observational gaze beginning from her ankles, grey eyes drug up her body, tracing her form the way she'd done to him earlier. Acknowledging beauty when he saw it without feeling attraction wasn't difficult, but the blinders he'd had in place for one of the few female he found he could trust enough to even consider for the position was sliding off. For once, Kakashi allowed himself to see, to feel it for the first time. Accepting the attraction came easily. Neon lavender from the bar cast her pink hair in an ethereal glow, highlighting sea foam eyes. She was talking animatedly with Raidou although the guy wasn't replying often enough for it to be considered a conversation. Cheeks were flushed from the heat of sake and the warmth that came with being surrounded by friends. Her petite frame remind him something not unlike a fairy. There wasn't a man alive that could deny how pretty Sakura was and how well she was aging. There weren't any of Tsunade's tricks at play either. It was a shame Sasuke couldn't drop his baggage long enough to find a future with her.

When Sakura was quiet and still and inconspicuously peeking over his arm, Kakashi knew the time was right. The sight of otherworldly beauty and her open interest in his book had him goading, "Are you considering it, Sakura-chan?"

Grey eyes dropped from her lilac tinted hair to the shiny green orbs with the sound of her name. Breath froze in his lungs as disbelief and mild panic took hold of him. Kakashi couldn't believe he was putting himself through this. Finding someone else, _anyone_ else, had to be much easier than this. Less involved and less painful than the possibility of ruining over a decade's worth of friendship.

 **[[[:]]]**

With a question like that and the amount of liquor she was trying to break down in her bloodstream, the medic was stunned. The delay allowed for too much to be noticed. Too much time to study the cute way his sideburns were poking out from under his hitai-ate, around an ear and haphazardly projecting itself all around his head. _Definitely in need of another haircut_ , she noted absently.

Despite the high regard she held him in, there was to be no length of focus on that crease in his mask for too long or else she'd want to punch that stupid smirk off his face. He was enjoying making her squirm a little too much, and she didn't have quite the amount of experience or endurance she would like to stick it to him just as good. Maybe it was the sake, maybe it was the newfound freedom, or maybe it was more to do with the penetrating stare hitting cords so deep Sakura never thought she'd experience that kind of heat. How long had it been exactly? The number was hard to forget with how slowly Shizune had count the years out yesterday.

Several seconds of silence had that eye-crinkle morphing into a near laugh at her. This was getting ridiculous. Downright embarrassing.

Was she actually considering it? Hell, she almost forgot the context of his question. _Of course, she wasn't!_ They were talking about Genma here, after all… Honestly, it would take more than a few well placed looks for him to make a fool out of her. They'd all had a few drinks tonight and Kakashi stray along the less-serious unless death was imminent.

"Maybe… I am divorced now. Celebrations are in order." There. Nonchalant. Unassuming to who she was referring...

Grey eyes narrowed with a signature tell of a smile big enough to crease the eyes.

Why, then, did she feel as if she had stepped in glue?

 **[[[:]]]**

Teasing her was a must at this point, despite everything within him raging not to. Kakashi, the man, was no longer in control. Instead, in his place, was a shinobi gathering intel. The familiar mindset of a mission settled over him, denying any and everything wrong with this situation as her playful banter replaced the concerns he held of their friendship. Mutual teasing was always a good sign.

"Mah, I'm hurt, Sakura-chan. Surely, I outrank Genma. He hardly taught you anything." A gloved hand covered his heart as he tilt his head towards her a degree. Her pupils dilate. Inciting reactions within her was easier than he'd expected. "I am the one who taught you the coolest nindo, after all."

A snort that remind him of Tsunade accompanied with a roll of her green eyes had her replying, "If you wanna call it that, yeah, sure."

With a deprecating hum, Kakashi pushed his test further by plucking a loose curl hanging between them.

She glanced down at his actions as expected and he smoothed it between his fingers. Long and silky. _To gamble or not._..

"With your record, I'm sure there could be a few more lessons to go with that." Emphasizing his last word with a tug and a warm glance, the shinobi returned to his book.

The gasp had been worth it.

The bar creaking under the pressure of a near titanium grip was not.

Kakashi cleared his throat, feeling a tad awkward now that he'd said it out loud. The words sounded better in his head.

Maybe he'd made a mistake.

Maybe he'd gone too far.

He cringed inwardly, expecting a punch that would surely end his life. Ultimate doom settled in his bones.

Kohada present a hot bottle of sake in that moment, hearing and seeing the impending damage. "Haruno, please don't break my bar! This wood is expensive."

As expected, Sakura yanked her hands away, sputtering an apology. _So polite, that one_.

"Sakura, Sakura, you can break my bar!" Genma sang drunkenly from the table behind them, raising a chorus of whoops as he did.

Said female growled surprisingly similar to one of his ninken, shout at the fool to shut up, and proceed to chunk the closest item on hand which happened to be his beer. It smashed across the room, nearly catching Shino in the head. Luckily, no money was wasted this night. It was empty. Taking a deep breath, relieved he wouldn't have to foot his fellow medic with the bill, Kakashi bit back a groaning exhale. It took several deep breaths to confirm, but her telling blush, the evocative scent of fresh rain and something thicker, like a burning cherry tree, spoke volumes.

Wet trees.

Sakura was aroused.

By who, the copy nin wasn't sure. Whatever the cause, Kakashi was happy to bask in it. In all his years, few women carried the pheromones that attract him and a select number of times had he ever accompanied Sakura in this state. It amazed him each time considering her affinity was earth and water. It seemed relatable.

With her hands covering her face, the Rokudaime discreetly motioned the hand seals for a concealing genjutsu under the table before pulling his mask down. When Sakura looked up to him pouring them a glass without reacting as if she'd seen a ghost, he smirked in triumph. His efforts had the desired result, and they were none the wiser. All these years and it had never failed him.

And just like that, crisis was avoided, his overstepping vanishing like smoke. All thanks to Kohada and Genma.

Kakashi returned to his book with meditative inhales and the fuzzy warmth of sake under his skin. Much better than the smell of his dogs, this bar or his beer.

"Sarada wasn't too bad, was she? I'm sorry she barged in on you." A pale pink fingernail swirled along the wooden grains of the bar top bashfully. "I shouldn't let her get away with that kind of behavior."

It took a minute for the ninja to focus on his friends words. With his mask off, everything was much more distracting. Many of the smells in the building were blaringly loud except for his female companion. He allowed himself to drown in that particular scent.

"Hm? Sarada? She was fine, no worries." Sensing she wanted details, Kakashi took a quick sip of sake. "Pakkun and the pups made her feel right at home. They made blanket forts and hogged all the cushions in sight. However, I would keep an eye out for the addictive nature of her video games."

Sarada had taken over his apartment during Sakura's vacation with the excuse he was teaching her chidori, anyway. Which was true, but… what if he'd had work to do? Something to read? A shoji game to play? Not that he did, but that was beside the point. There was no hiding from a child with it camped out in his living room. He'd have to show up for training... Luckily, Konohamaru had taken them on a mission yesterday.

"You played a video game?" Sakura asked with disbelief. A chuckle escaped him as he recalled how that had happened. "Only because of a genjutsu she put me under. Her skills are improving, Sakura. It took a moment of concentration to break it." He leaned down to murmur and unintentionally brushed the shell of her ear. "And perhaps she was a bit troublesome... she made me pay for lunch more times than I was comfortable with."

A soft gasp escaped her pink lips before she giggled. "Good for her. Serves you right, you cheapskate."

"Ah, maybe so." Kakashi smiled down at his female companion, enjoying the tinges of pink dusting her cheeks and the light in her eyes. Testing his ability to flirt with her aside, Sakura appeared to be having a good time despite her reasons for "celebrating". He'd seen this building up over the years during his time as Hokage and now that change had come about.

"Kaaa," Sakura groaned into her shot glass before popping upright to point at the book in hand. "Say, it's been a few years since I seen you with Icha Icha. Did you finally read through every piece of porn in this town or what?"

Kakashi paused, dumbstruck for a split second at her annoyed tone. Until it clicked. "Mah, the stash is shrinking, Sakura-chan. This is what I've been reduced to."

He enjoyed watching her freeze the moment she realized he knew she knew he knew of her thievery. The delicate cough hiding her embarrassment was amusing if not a dead giveaway.

"Oh, that-that sounds like a problem. Maybe you're getting so old your memory is… um, slipping. A-And you're forgetting your hiding spots."

"Oh, I'm positive that's not it." His no-nonsense response hadn't been merciful enough. Sakura's face turned a fiery beet red and attempt to inch off her stool. He needed to act before she ran away and hid from him for who knows how long.

Kakashi flipped his book a few times before displaying the release date on the back with a few taps. It hooked her instantly. She studied the clue until a silent "oh" announced her realization. It gave him enough time to appreciate the level of chakra control it took a person to contain the Hundred Seal in a diamond on her forehead instead of staring at the shape of her mouth.

Too many doors were being opened tonight. He didn't need to add to them.

Warm understanding spread through her expression as she looked up at him. Sakura appreciate the deeper aspects he could never talk about. It appeared in the soft looks she shared when words weren't working for him. "A celebration tonight was ironic, huh?"

His nod was his only form of agreement. The old man's birthday was the only day he vowed to remember, and this was how he would do it. No more graveyard visitations.

 **[[[:]]]**

A comfortable silence settled over them and Sakura was just getting the courage to read along with her companion when Ino lambashed her from the right, knocking her into Kakashi. Dodging the woman should have been easy. Sakura was more aware of her surroundings, usually. She wasn't entirely sure why she wasn't then. "Woah! Lay off, Ino! Jeez."

Their stools clinked together as they swayed and the heat of a firm body behind her steadied the collision.

"Everyone is going to the bathhouse after this. What do you say?"

Sakura didn't notice the hand at her lower back until Ino peeled herself off. By then, only a lingering tingle was left. Her hand squeezed something hard and warm and rough, like the material of pants - _that's not a bar stool!_ \- and she froze, thankful that Ino wasn't patient enough to wait for a reply.

The soft clearing of a throat and a caress against her upper arm put her current position in sharp perspective. Sakura went straight as a rod with her discovery. She couldn't believe she'd laid against him like that! After the blonde kunoichi left them, the silence following seemed much heavier. If Kakashi felt it, he didn't seem to mind with his nose in a book, as usual. Watching him read made the moment seem nonexistent. She silently thanked the quiet shinobi for his distraction tactics.

 **[[[:]]]**

A page and a half later, the body heat of a particular female alert him to movement. It was difficult to ignore when another's chi was invading one's personal space. The music, talking to Raidou, studying tiny letters did nothing to take the edge off as he honed in on the presence to his right.

Glancing down, Kakashi discovered her discreet tries to peer at his book. With the motion of a snail in case he embarrassed her and ruined the moment, Kakashi tilt his book to the side to make it easier for her to read along. It wouldn't be the first time he'd allowed this. There were many a late night they sat in meetings with her reading over his shoulder. They never spoke about it. As long as he didn't acknowledge what was happening, neither would she.

Speaking of secrets, he probably should have stolen his books back during her vacation. _Mah, it'll be months before that happens again_ … He supposed it would have ruined the secret even if he had.

By the time he turned the page, the copy ninja knew she was all but lost in the worldy sauce that was Icha Icha if the thick scent of wet cherry trees told him anything.

Maybe he was guilty of enjoying this part more than actually reading whenever she joined him.

 **[[[:]]]**

Halfway through the chapter and Sakura was all but leaning against his arm without a care in the world. There was a reason Jiraiya's books were still so popular, even if this was the first time she'd seen Kakashi carrying this series in several years. Although, times changed, he found different novels from time to time. It was expected and thankfully, it benefit her sanity.

Leaning closer and closer for a more comfortable reading position, Sakura was moving on the sake weaving through her system, easing into reactions that would embarrass her, usually. She'd long since forgotten to neutralize the alcohol, and if she were being honest, flowing with a little extra liquid encouragement felt powerful.

It wasn't until Kakashi pulled her bar stool closer when she became aware of their proximity. The warmth of physical contact melting through her arm, breast, and thigh became too distracting for her to read. Sakura studied the material of his black sweater and up to the metal protectors on his gloves. Her lungs expand against his elbow with a deep inhale and she stiffened, afraid he could feel her heartbeat pounding through her ribcage. However, her anxiety couldn't smother how good Kakashi smelt; so delicious and unusual every time she was close enough to notice. It'd taken Naruto several years and then a marriage to understand the concept of good hygiene. Sasuke was never around for her to know. That thought was too depressing to linger on. So, she didn't.

Instead, her senses tangled in the man pressed against her side. Kakashi smelt similar to iron, electricity, and something nutty. Like almonds. The kunoichi had known the ninja long enough to know he never wore cologne. It could be detrimental to a mission, tracker hound, or decent shinobi out to kill him. It wasn't ideal, even in retirement.

Identifying the iron was easy. Even if it was a casual night, every shinobi present had a wardrobe littered with some type of weapon, mostly kunai and senbon needles, if she had to guess. Sakura had several senbon hidden within her sleeves and a kunai attached to her thigh near the slit of her dress, so yes, iron it was.

Something electrified, like ozone would be because of his lightning affinity. Sakura had come across few shinobi powerful enough to smell like their nature release. That observation in others always baffled her, and she wondered if she smelt similar. It'd be a little disappointing if she didn't.

But, where did the fruit come from? She knew almonds didn't grow around here. Pecan trees were the most abundant, at least, in one area.

 _He has iron pecans,_ inner Haruno cackled. Her inner ramblings were getting out of hand if Inner was talking. She took small, shaky breaths as the manly musk and friendly aura that was Kakashi Hatake pulled her into a comfortable buzz. Sakura knew she wouldn't be reacting to any other man like this because she never had before. It had only ever been Sasuke until recent years when she fantasized what it would be like to be with someone else, but those had only been random characters in the erotica she stole from Kakashi. There had never been a face or a name or a body.

Now, Kakashi was offering himself on a silver platter.

Sakura wasn't stupid, far from it despite the little romance she'd had throughout the years. The topic of Genma had only been a buffer for him to say what he couldn't. And when a man looked at a woman, the way Kakashi had earlier... The way honey stuck to the skin, even after it was licked off. A shiver wracked her body. That image was too much to think about.

The kunoichi propped her head up with an arm and a sigh, trying to focus on the characters and the scene and the damn sex she knew to be taking place in chapter seven.

Kakashi repositioned his arm on the back of her stool and angled towards her, no longer pretending she wasn't reading with him. The open affection warmed her inside and out, all the way through to her toes. She'd never had someone react to her like this. Everything else faded into the background except a hard chest, the feel of his soft sweater and warm sake humming through her. Her gaze lazily flicked from the black print to the hand holding the book open and further down to the few inches of corded muscle exposed of his forearm. Translucent scars that could never completely disappear even with the finest medics marked his skin, detailing a long list of battles.

Seeing a painted nail fresh from her recent vacation was a shock when she realized she was touching him, smoothing a fingertip over a small nick left behind.

She needed to be careful with alcohol from now on. Her reactions were incredibly instinctual.

If Kakashi was bothered, he didn't let on. A faint twitch of muscle under her attentions told her more than anything else could have at that moment. Every silent response gave her encouragement. They had a strong friendship which was helping matters more than she realized. The trust and years behind them allowed the closeness she felt with him right then. She wouldn't consider this kind of affection otherwise.

Could she step past that boundary with him? It seemed pointless to question her actions while she was doing that exact thing; _pushing boundaries_. She knew she trusted him and that was what mattered. Kakashi would never fuck a friend over. Not like this and this wasn't his usual kind of hobby. She'd only ever known him to be interested in a woman twice before and nothing had come of it. Books were less stress and potential hazard than a relationship if she understood him at all.

A combination of her environment, her thoughts and his offer was swaying her to test waters she had never considered before.

Maybe he wasn't being serious.

Maybe he was. And like the sun shining after several days of rain did it dawn on her.

Kakashi was merely opening the door for her, she was making the moves here. He was leaving it up to her to lead them.

Suddenly, the book snapped shut, along with the sexually charged moment she was drowning in. A gloved hand reached for more sake as an annoyed groan sound from above. Sakura glanced up and squeaked.

Kotetsu was attached to the ceiling, in the perfect position to read. "Damn you, Kakashi! What makes Sakura so special?"

Kakashi's mouth twist in a crooked smirk and it took every ounce of will within her to keep from staring. He'd never relax around her again if she did.

"Well, if you have to ask, Kotetsu... I'd rather not have a horny man leaning over my shoulder." A dark, half-lidded stare fixed itself on her.

Breath caught in her chest before she pulled away, horror written all over her face. "Oh my god…"

The Rokudaime wait until his female companion looked up before he pulled his mask back in place self-consciously.

"Ah, whatever." Kotetsu huffed and walked across the ceiling to stare down Kohada's shirt.

Kakashi was flipping the book open when a soft voice hit his ears. "Did you roll around in a pile of pecans?"

Pausing at the odd question, Kakashi glanced down at his pink-haired friend. "I did, actually."

Sakura took on the appearance of a kid in a candy store. "Did you bring any with you?"

A smile spread over his face. This was too easy. "Why, yes I did, Sakura-chan. Two, in fact. Would you like one?"

The reaction was priceless. Her face flamed and her button nose scrunched. "That's not what I meant, pervert!"

Sakura had never been so embarrassed to be talking to someone about _pecans_. Reaching for the bottle of sake to distract herself, she blinked as Kakashi pushed her hand away and poured it, instead.

"You're the only one thinking about my balls here, Sakura-chan." His throaty chuckle rumbled through her side and straight down, walls clenching at _absolutely_ nothing.

He rummaged through his pocket, "Hm, let's see.." and she realized the pervert might actually try to grab his balls.

Sakura hissed. _Jeez, he's turning out to be worse than Jiraiya!_ She yanked away so hard she tipped her bar stool. Shutting her eyes against the torrent of butterflies that came with zero gravity, Sakura flailed to catch herself. Not a second later her world was upright and pulled against him once again.

"Mah, Sakura-chan," Kakashi cooed in her ear as he released her and let the back of his hand trail down her side. "You should be more careful. I promise these pecans won't bite." His voice end deep and gritty and it hit nerves she hadn't even known existed within her.

Something poked her chin.

Green eyes blinked down at the two pecan shells cupped in his hand. _What the_ \- Her mouth opened to form words, but nothing came out.

The soft material of his mask brushed against her cheek as he murmured, "My favorite reading spot is covered in pecans this time of year."

His offer of personal information shocked her as much as the shaggy white hair tickling the side of her face. White, grey and black blocked every other color from her vision. Her eyes flicked between the hand at her mouth and his hypnotizing orbs, so close she could kiss him if she wanted to.

Crackling drew her attention to a curled fist level with her chest. The kunoichi hadn't even realized she'd stopped breathing until the sound snapped her back. Sakura couldn't help imagining what it would be like to have those fingers curling between her thighs in a similar fashion; gripping her, digging into her hips, holding her open for him to maul her.

She shut her eyes against the image. The darkness didn't help one bit. She knew how powerful his hands were. Equal amounts of sparring against and fighting beside him had taught her that.

His wild mane whispered along her forehead as he shifted against her, thighs bumping. Opening her eyes, Sakura nearly moaned as those slate colored orbs sucked her in again, appearing black as he watched her watch him. The shinobi was so close she could see the mismatched color of his eyes, one only a few years old. They slid shut and Kakashi inhaled.

When he exhaled, a deep hum vibrating from his chest into her side, something hard and musty pressed against her tongue. His knuckles tipped her jaw shut and dragged a thumb down her lower lip.

The Rokudaime's eyes crinkled with mirth as he questioned, "Have you ever tried pecans, Sakura-chan?"

 **[[[:]]]**

 **this chapter is dedicated to _darkcherryblossom13_ for her review of Kakashi "cheapskate" Hatake. thanks for the inspo dude :]**

 **i wanna give a very deep thank you to everyone enjoying what my sleep-deprived brain pumps out. night shift is the only shift i have to write. you guys are giving me so much encouragement to keep working to entertain myself and all of you who love kakashi and sakura just as much. it's a great feeling. it's not something i'm used to as i've been writing fanfiction for years, but have never had the courage to share publicly until now.**

 **so, how's that playlist working for ya?**


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